Reflections

Beginning Again...

So I guess it's time to start over when it comes to blogging.  I've not done much for a while, but think I should at least give it a shot.  So here we go.  Stay tuned!

Perspectives

It's funny how different people see different things. I can't stop looking at this picture I took of my little girl Lola since I took it on Monday. I wonder what she sees through her eyes and how it's different from my own. I wonder also how what we look at inspires different perspectives in each of us.

When I look at this picture, I see one of my favorite girls in one of my favorite places. It's peaceful and restorative to me. Lola, on the other hand, probably sees lots of places she can explore and root out critters.

I know it's a simple thought, but today I'm very aware how we can look at our lives in the same way. It could look like the tower is crumbling down around you or it could look like preparing the ground for new beginnings. Last night was the Crow Full Moon. It signals crow's saying good bye to winter and hello to spring. In some traditions, it is referred to as the worm moon a well. For this is the time the worms start to come out of the soil aerating it and preparing it for the new growth.

What new beginnings are coming your way at this time? Perhaps our focus is better placed on these beginnings rather than the endings.

Finding My Soul's Rhythm

It's amazing to think about how fast of a pace we really go at. In fact I'm not sure I even realized the pace until I just stopped. This week I'm fortunate to be at a cabin in the hill country owned by family. It's just me, Tyler and the girls. This morning I woke up early with Brooke who really wanted to go outside in the dark. Just walking around in the dark in complete silence was amazingly peaceful. I found myself realizing how fast my life typically goes. And yet as I'm writing this I realize that it's less about the speed and more about the schedule. Going from one thing to the next to the next without really taking time I'm between to breathe and just pause. We lose our sense of rhythm and are instead moving to a beat that is not in alignment with nature or our souls. This us my goal this week. To reconnect with my soul's rhythm.

So far, it's got a good beat and I can dance to it. ;)

Frozen Emotions

In the world of the elements, water represents our emotional selves. As I wake up to some ice outside, I wonder what frozen emotions are like. Is it possible that we have pockets of emotions that we think are dealt with, but they're really just frozen bits of ourselves.

What happens when they thaw out?

Watching Prayers for Bobby last night, I thnk I hit some icey patches. It's been along time since I thought about, with any depth, my 12+ year struggle reconciling my spirituality and sexuality. And although I read the book, watching the movie has opened up a new set of emotions for me. It probably only adds to the mix that the watery sign of Pisces is just around the corner.

I think I'm realizing that there are probably other patches of ice inside of me. Places that, when the time is right, will be warmed by the light of the sun and turn to water so they can return to the earth. So today I'm grateful for finding the icey patches in my life that need to be brought to the light of the sun.

The Voice

Deep inside of me, there is a voice that is seeking to be fully heard.  Sometimes it speaks to me through my writing.  Sometimes it speaks through my thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes it even speaks to me through the outside world such as through a song or a bit of overheard conversation.  Regardless of how it speaks, it's goal is simply to be heard.  

Sometimes I get a sense of urgency that there is something that is important that is seeking to be heard and yet I'm not sure how to let it get expressed.  For me, this is when slowing down, sitting quietly, and just writing comes to my aid.  I love to sit in the dark of the early morning with only the glow of my laptop screen to light my face.  This is when I write, just to write.  There is no goal other than that of authenticity.  It is here that I just want to speak my truth through the combination of letters and spaces that flow from my fingers.  It's really not about impressing anyone or even sharing an opinion.  It's about letting the voice be heard.  Giving it space for it to just exist outside of myself in a way that brings it to life.  

I believe that this voice comes from deep within my Soul.  And like many aspects of my Soul, it's goal is a fullness of self-expression in the world.  Like my purpose, this voice realizes it's mission by being brought to life outside of the Soul in the outer world.  In many ways, by giving space for the voice, I am creating space for other aspects of my soul's purpose to come to life.  

All the voice asks is that I slow down long enough to hear it, to express it, to let it come forth.  

I guess this is really what Reflections is about.  It's about giving space for the voice to be heard, if for no one other than myself.  In doing so, I'm learning more about what's deep inside of me longing to be expressed.  

What's your voice saying to you?

I recommend checking out Parc Guell when you're in Barcelona, Spain

One of my most favorite times traveling internationally was the afternoon I spent at Parc Guell in Barcelona after a work conference.

This is the most amazing outdoor park I have ever been to. Designed by Artist/Architect Gaudi it is full of his famous mosaic pieces. It is also on a hill above Barcelona so you can see the whole of the city and the Med from the park. Great people watching place as well!

Technology Break

So this past weekend, I decided to take a technology break.  Kinda.  What this meant was no TV, no laptop, and little to no iPhone.  Instead, I focused on working with Tyler to paint a room in our home and on just being without technology.  I would say I probably achieved a 70% reduction in my technology usage over Saturday and most of Sunday.  

Why did I do this?  I guess most of last week I found myself plugged in on a regular basis to Facebook, email, and other technologies that felt like I was waiting for someone else to say or write something that I needed to respond to.  I realized how I was often more plugged into my iPhone or laptop than I was to the people around me or the tasks that I needed to focus on.  

I'm not saying that technology is the problem.  It's more about my dependancy on it.  It's about me being able to just be present with myself, by myself, without the need to hear what is happening somewhere outside of me.  From the place of being present with myself, I can begin to be present with Tyler in a different way as well.  

It wasn't perfect by any stretch, but it was a break and an opportunity to get unplugged and get reconnected to myself. 

BTW, it did help to completely disconnect the TV from the wall.  ;)

Dogs

This is one I could write about for days, probably.  As the proud owner of 3 Toy Fox Terriers, there is absolutely nothing I love more than being with them.  Actually, being with my husband and them is probably better, but this is a post about dogs, not husbands.  ;)  

So when I wake up, they are sleeping up against me almost holding me in place in my bed.  If I can manage to extract myself from the bed without stirring them too much, I am free to get to my studio for some blog or me time.  Once the youngest realizes I've left her in bed, she gets up and comes to the door of my studio and sniffs very loudly to let me know she's there.  I take her outside and then she comes back in and goes back to bed.  

When I get home from work, she rushes to the door to greet me and waits for me to set all my stuff down so she can give me the proper 72 puppy dog kisses to let me know she's glad I'm home.  Just her excitement to see me or Tyler when we come home is so welcoming.  They are so trusting and loving all the time.

They look to us to take care of them and make sure they have what they need.  I wonder how I would react if I were in their situation.  What kind of dog would I be?  Would I be so focused on expressing love to my owner?  What would it take for me express more love even in my life as a human?  

Maybe I'll look for someone that needs puppy kisses today.  Or perhaps just a smile.  ;) 

My road-trip mix tape

Feeling Good by Nina Simone

Six Feet Under

King of the Road by Brokeback Mountain

Just an amazing arrangement for a classic road song

Hometown Glory by Adele

Bit of new to balance the old!

Help!

 What is it about our society that says it's not ok to ask for help?  Lately, I've been thinking about the value of self-reliance and what role it plays in our development as a community.  The reality is that self-reliance does nothing but further insulate us from one another.  When I'm faced with a challenge, I have a choice.  I can either try and resolve the challenge myself or I can ask for help from friends, colleagues, or even strangers on the internet.  

Why is it that more often than not, we try and resolve the issue ourselves?  Is it out of embarrassment or from not wanting to look incapable?  By not asking for help, we reinforce the patterns that cause us to live in isolation from one another keeping us locked in our own worlds where reputation and the outer face we present are more important than the purpose or results we're seeking to accomplish.  

I have some amazing friends and lately I've taken on too much in my life.  The other day, I realized that I was still beating myself up for not accomplishing some actions I've had for over a month.  Finally, one of my colleagues asked me how the action was coming.  I just sent back an email saying "Help!"  This one email freed me up to let go of the need for looking competent and instead support others in getting the task done.  

As I've thought about this, I realize that "Help" is the one phrase that can build community and collaboration within all aspects of our society.  Asking for help creates space for others to join in.  Now I'm not saying we can abandon our responsibilities and ask for help all the time, but I don't think that's the problem most people have in our western civilization.  Instead, I believe that we have a problem with self-reliance and concern about image and reputation.  

So I invite you to join me today in thinking about how asking for Help could bring me into deeper relationships with people, bring me out of my home/office and into the collaborative world of community.  

Soundtrack:  Aeoliah, Radiance